Family Guy:West vs Griffin
by Drac39
Summary: Brian is chosen to run for Mayor aganist Adam West
1. Chapter 1

1The Election in Quahog

by

Mike Kocher.

(Peter is on the couch watching the News)

Announcer: We now return to Channel 5 news with Tom Tucker and Diane Sawyer.

Tom: Our top story, the Quahog killer is still on the prowl. He has claimed his ninth victim beloved Drunk Clam bartender Horus.

Diane: What a tragedy Tom.

Tom: Well Diane a tragedy is defined as a disastrous event, especially one involving distressing loss or injury to lifeDiane(mumbling) : In other news the death toll in the Iraq war has reached an all time high when asked to comment on the matter President Bush replied Whens nap time?

Lois walks in: I just heard Horus got killed by that mad man.

Peter: No I think hell be back.

Brian walks in: Peter this bill is through the roof are you ever going to get a job?

Peter: Im waiting until couch inspector becomes a real job.

Brian: Thats never going to happen.

Peter: Oh Im sure it will.

(Cut to Inspector Gadget with Peter)

Peter: Hows the patient

Detective: They cut his leather he wont last the night.

(Peter inspects couch)

Peter: I know those marks CLLAWW!

(Flash forward)

Peter: All right Ill look

(Cut to Peter in Doctors office)

Dr. Hartman: You know Peter donating a kidney is a very risky process.

Peter: How hard can it be Ive made a living off donating blood and sperm.

Dr. Hartman: Well Peter you might not survive the operation and since you're a heavy drinker your health will most likely decline.

Peter: Heavy drinker! Im offended sir!

Budweiser Frog: Lets leave Peter before he takes our dignity away.

Peter: Just cut me up and cut me a check.

Dr. Hartman: Very well. Dr. Hughes prep Mr. Griffin for his surgery.

(Dr. Hughes comes in. He is obviously a child conceived from Peters donated sperm)

Peter: its like looking in a mirror.

Dr .Hughes: What do you know Sweeeeettt.

(Peter gets out of hospital bed after surgery).

Peter: Ill see you next time I donate a kidney.

Dr. Hughes to Dr. Hoffman: What a dumb ass.

(Cut to Peter in Living room)

Peter: The kidney didnt cover the bills. Brian can you donate your heart?

Brian: Im not going to waste air answering that.

Peter: Dont worry Ill find a way.

(Cut to Peter in robbers suit)

Peter: Heres old man McDucks place.

(Peter jumps in the swimming pool of coins)

Peter: Yeah! (He fills up his bag)

Duck: Uncle Scrooge theres a robber swimming in your pool

Scoorge: Poor people are to be killed.

(The Duck shoots but Peter deflects the bullet and the duck is dead)

(Cut to Dinner table(A cooked duck is there)

Peter: Its no use, I havent been this upset since they cancelled my favorite show.

(Cut to Peter in front of TV.)

Peter: Oh hes got suposcious eyes, you better arrest him Security guard Johnson. Oh my God I dont believe it is that Arnold Schwarznegger quest starring?

Brian: Peter that was C-Spans round the clock coverage of Ronald Reagans funeral.

Peter: Yeah and it had endless possibilities.

(Cut to Peter at the Drunken Clam)

Horus: Whats the matter Peter feeling blue?

Peter: I just cant keep a steady job.

Horus: Well the mayoral elections are taking place.

(Cut to Adam West in office)

Wests secretary: Sir your campaign officials are here to see you.

West: Send them in

Official #1: Mayor West you realize election day is right around the corner.

(West takes baseball bat)

West: Dont worry Ill get him.

Official #2: This is worse than we thought.

West: Sorry gentlemen hes seem to have left.

Official: Mayor West you do realize that you need to win another term.

Mayor West: Im sorry Im not good at sports.

Official 2: You do know you belong to the Republican Party and that you are up for re-election right?.

Mayor West: Im sorry but I cancelled my Party City discount card.

Official #1:You know what well see you tomorrow.

Official #2: Our chances are low well never win.

Official #1: Dont worry we wont have a candidate who can oppose us.

(Cut to Griffin household, Peter is watching Television with Brian)

Announcer: We now return to Ebert & Roeper.

Peter: I swear Brian Hollywood controls all most everything critics say. Remember this summer when I was a critic.

(Cut to Peter as a Critic)

Peter: Roger Im afriad what brings War of the Worlds down is the awful performance by Tom Cruise. His acting does not warrant his poor behavior.

(Peters chair falls into an underground base)

Peter: Anthony Hopkins?

Anthony: Quiet hes coming

Tom Cruise: So Mr .Hopkins you think you know psychiatry?

Hopkins: Come on it was a movie everyone loves Hannibal Lector.

Tom: You didn't answer my question.

Hopkins: Well to be honest I dont but you probably know as much as me...

(Tom Cruise fires a gun and kills Hopkins)

Peter: Please Ill be good!

Tom Cruise in an angry voice: Which one of my films do you think was the best?

Peter: Uhh I dont know

(Tom Cruise shocks Peter)

(Peter finds holy water in his pocket and throws it at Cruise melting him)

Brian: Talk about a rough day.

Peter: Yeah tell me about it,the chicken came by for another re-match when I got home.

(Doorbell rings)

Brian: Ill get it

Official: Hi are you Brian Griffin?

Brian: The one and only.

Official: How would you like to run for Mayor of Quahog for the Democratic party?

Brians tail wags

Brian: Sure!

Official: Good our last candidate didnt have a human touch.

(Cut to Emperor Palpatine giving a speech)

Palpatine: The Jedi will be destroyed and The City Of Quahog will be reorganized into the first Galactic Empire!

Bystander: Thats what you say every year.

Brian: What made you chose me if you dont mind me asking.

Official: Well frankly Brian your in the minority of Quahog residents who can rub their belly and pat their head at the same time.

Peter: Thats offensive.

(Peter trys it and crashes into a glass table)

Peter: Lois call 911


	2. Chapter 2

1Peter is in the drive thru at a Burger place

Peter: Yes hi Id like a grease burger with some extra cholestral sauce and a side of heart attack fries?

Driver: Hey your not supposed to be in here.

Peter: No thank you I dont want a soft drink.

Peter pulls up to the window and sees Adam West.

Adam West: Hello Peter.

Peter: I believe I have a burger coming to me.

Adam: Peter I have a business proposition for you.

Peter:I believe I have a burger coming to me.

Adam: Shut up and come with me.

(Peter is in the West manison)

Campaign official: Hello Peter.

Peter: Yeah hi-

Campaign official: Yes I know whats going through your head your wondering why the opposing party of your best friend Brian would kidnap you. Well I have the answer we can do this the hard way or the easy way. Peter if you agree to be a snitch for the West campaign and give us all the dirt on Brian we will handsomely reward you and if you refuse well we have gas and water bills that havent been paid in years stacking up against you. Any questions?

Peter: Yeah If it takes this long to get my food again Im going to be taking my business elsewhere.

(Cut to the News)

Tom Tucker: Election fever is going through Quahog.

Diane Simmons: Brian Griffin the Democratic candidate has launched one of the most extensive campaigns in history. Our Asian reporter Trica Takanawa interviewd Griffin today.

Brian: I think the city of Quahog deserves a mayor who doesn't spend tax payers money for his personal reasons and uses the police force to arrest his enemies.

(Cut to police arresting a man)

Police: Did you or did you not rent the last copy of this new release from the video store!

Person: Please leave me alone.

Police: Shut up your going to prison for a very long time.

Tom Tucker: Our latest survey says that if the election was held today Griffin would win in a landslide.

Peter is walking through the park with Brian. People are walking up to Brian and shaking his hand.

Campaign Official in tight over coat: Hello Peter.

Peter: Ive had enough of your bad service I go to Burgerland now!

Goons grab Peter and bring him to West manor.

Peter: Listen leave me alone and maybe Ill buy coffee there every once in a while.

Official: Peter its time to give us the dirt on Brian.

Peter I could never betray my friends not after last time.

(Cut to Peter in Godfather II)

Michael Corelone: I know it was you Peter you broke my heart!

Official: Very well then consider yourself evicted.

Peter :Oh all right, I know Brian likes martinis.

Political writers scribble down everything on a piece of notebook paper.

Peter: He had to wear a cone over his head when he had that bad diarehia.

Official: Thanks for your time Peter I think we have enough to ruin Brians political career. Be sure to visit us on the web at WestforQuahog.gov and

Peter What about my handsome reward?

Official: Enjoy these bumper stickers and buttons.

Peter(Suddenly excited): Oh wow thanks!


End file.
